Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize