there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it because I queefed?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
