ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
