dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
