We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
