I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
