$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
