i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
