So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
