i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this just has baby written all over it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
