its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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