guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
