I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
