He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
