Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
