It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
