you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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