I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
