With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
