Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
