walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
