wakey wakey hands off snakey
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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