Cold hands, warm shart.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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