i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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