she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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