if you like me you must not know who I am
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
