Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
