I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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