I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
