My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
