I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
