the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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