How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know her cup size but not her name....
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