I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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