Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
