Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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