did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
