I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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