If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
