I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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