You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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