I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
