my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
