Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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