Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
