Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
