If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
