I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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