hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
