I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
