If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
