it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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