Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
