Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
