cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
