Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
