she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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