Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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