I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
