i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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