is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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