I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
