um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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