We need to rekindle our bromance
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
