You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
