So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
