I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
