real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
