I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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