You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
