just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
