I swear god or herbie drove my car home
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
