he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
