My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
