My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
