Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
