so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
