are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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