id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
